oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
