I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
