I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
