why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
