She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
