what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
