I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
