Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
