a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
