My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
