Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
