dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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