Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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