And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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