So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
