omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
