I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
