is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
