I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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