I CAN MOONWALK!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
