I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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