my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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