is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is my gift to your gina
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
