turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
