he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
