I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
