and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
