Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Randomize
