I drank myself into bisexuality again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
