Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
