sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
