I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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