woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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