There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
