forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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