i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
