Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Damn victory sex feels great
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