you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
