Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
