office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
