is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
