it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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