cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
