Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
