shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
