why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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