I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
