It's Friday. Sex?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
