She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
