just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
